When I wrote last month about my intention of spending some time off Instagram and deleting the app from my phone, Hervé said that the amazing people reading this newsletter would probably be interested in some updates. I also got some comments (thank you!) from people having similar thoughts to what I was describing in my post, all of which made me realise that yes, this is actually an interesting topic in which I am definitely not alone. Yesterday while doing some late-night reading, I came across this post on Substack titled “Will giving up social media make me happy?” which I think offers an interesting perspective on the matter and again, reiterates how many people are questioning their relationship with their online alter egos.
Not having to “worry” about my online persona feels fantastic, not going to lie. And that’s part of what I am trying to unravel: why does it feel so good to disappear from social media? Have we assumed so deeply that we have to be there that any moment of escape feels both extraordinary and cathartic? We all know that the less time we spend glued to our phones the better our heads get so…is it really necessary another bullet point-infested article about it, this time from yours truly? I don’t think so. So instead of lecturing anyone, what I want to do today is to catch up with you guys within the context of this little experiment, especially because I haven’t written in a while! (How are you!? How’s your summer going!?)
You know the old question: If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one around to hear it, does it make a sound? I truly believe that its 21st-century update could be: If something cool happened and you didn’t post about it on social media, did it really happen? Is it an outfit/good hair day not documented an outfit/good hair day wasted?
And as if the Universe was trying to test me, quite a few cool things have happened this month: I went wild camping for a week on the Isle of Skye with my fiancé’s family (making this the third time I’ve been there, how crazy is that?), I went to Dublin with my work bff’s for the first time, decided to chop my hair short, and went on another camping trip with friends… I’ve also been going to a lot of comedy shows and performances during the Edinburgh Fringe (Jack Whitehall, Tatty McLeod, Gareth Mutch, Gareth Waugh, Robin Grainger, The Rite of Spring by Pina Bausch, Matthew Herbert…), we visited our first wedding venue… I’ve even been watching the fireworks comfortably from the windows of my flat after the Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo finishes every night at 11 pm at the castle! And as you read this, I am packing for Switzerland to spend a few days with Hervé’s family and cheese. All of this unabashed showing off to make a point about how in the past, any of this would have been documented and broadcasted on my Instagram page, but this time I decided to keep all this just for myself, a total plot twist (or maybe the unavoidable burnout?) for someone who’s been blogging since she was 18. “Everything is content” is my brain’s default setting after all these years, and sometimes it takes time to rewire one’s head. But these past few days, every time after overcoming the initial 5-second automatic thought of “but people would love thissssssssssssssss, THE WORLD DESERVES TO KNOW!!”, all that was left was a feeling of calm and agency over my life, and particularly, my present. Dare I say zen?
For those times in which I needed to check something on Instagram, the desktop version did it for me. My PC usually freezes after I’m 15 minutes deep in there, so it was perfect for a couple of times that I logged in to post a photo that I really wanted to share, out of pure joy, and to follow an artist that I met at the West End Fair, a really cool girl who makes earrings amongst other stuff - definitely wanted to keep in touch with her and her workshops!
Keeping myself away from all the negative feelings that Instagram was starting to create in me was like building a castle for myself in which there was no noise, no comparison, no overstimulation - a castle in which time passes slower and food (and life in general, no matter how successful you are) tastes a hundred times better. I needed to stay in there for a bit, in this microcosmos of my own creation, and my head and self-esteem benefited a lot from that. And I’ll tell you more: I don´t think I want to leave just yet.
One would say that being away from one of the main sources of inspiration would leave me a bit bored and uninspired, but quite the contrary. I organically found inspiration around me, or inspiration found me, as I like to think. I found myself reading more books. Engaging more with other Substack newsletters and leaving meaningful comments, instead of skimming their posts. Creating community. I’ve been to a few markets this month and I feel like my interest in crafts is back (which has me really excited, since lately I’m craving a lot doing things with my hands). I went a couple of times to the Edinburgh Book Festival, which fully recharged my motivation levels for me to finish my book and self-publish it, as well as keep nurturing this newsletter. I finished The Battersea Poltergeist podcast and started The Witch Farm (any other Danny Robins fans out there?). I feel that things, ideas, and stimulus came to me when they had to, instead of being constantly chased or inundated by them, unable to catch up and leaving me completely drained.
One of my main worries was that by losing Instagram I would lose the sense of connection and belonging around me, but I didn’t notice anything crazy. People who wanted to reach out to me have reached out to me. I found that sense of connection in little moments of the day that otherwise would have been spent in front of my phone, like chatting a bit about TV shows (Alone, more specifically!) with the girl who works at our office’s building cafeteria. I’ve been out more but also stayed in if I bloody wanted to, not feeling guilty or FOMO-ish if I wasn’t on any of my co-worker’s Insta-stories of the night. Because…I literally had no idea what other people were doing! I’ve embraced my introverted side when it wanted to come out instead of shaming it and forcing myself to be like everyone else. It was no longer about pleasing an audience of friends, strangers, family, and acquaintances: it was just about tuning into my own thoughts and being present. I sense that forgetting about Instagram in my day to day is turning me into an oddball, I am becoming a bit feral and enjoying every minute. I feel more myself than ever, and the way I can tell is because I am very at peace with who I am at the moment. Even my outfit choices have mutated a bit: I am starting to dress more and more for myself, not for my front camera. This itself is proving to be an amazing journey into my personal style. Fleece jackets, minimal dresses, short hair, and comfy shoes? I can’t hear you very well son, because I’ve turned into a TOKYO GRANDMA.
Deleting Instagram from my phone is not the panacea. But forcing myself to take away from my shoulders the auto-imposed pressure of creating constant content based on my life and keeping “my audience” interested has worked wonders, and I intend to keep it this way. A popular Spanish saying states that babies are born “with a loaf of bread under their arms”, but lately seems like instead of bread, everyone’s born with an audience they must grow and an @ key in front of their names. I don’t like that.
As cliché as it sounds, disconnecting from social media has allowed me to reconnect with my own thoughts (even my own body) and question what’s behind everything I put out there. It’s not about censoring yourself; it’s about thinking twice what’s the reason behind you broadcasting your night out in all detail. We are all little Voldemorts, disseminating our horcruxes, one Instagram story or TikTok at a time, hoping that these pieces of our soul in the form of a broadcast of our daily lives will be the currency for validation, allowing us to be immortal. But perhaps we are looking for validation in the wrong place and with it, wasting a lot of precious time and effort. Perhaps validation should have never been the goal, but something as scary as fulfilment.
Going back to the article I mentioned in the first paragraph, what I like about it is that it doesn’t focus on demonizing social media, which is the usual route, but instead makes a plea for balance. And balance, for a Libra like me, is KEY.
“At the same time, there are nuanced benefits to being online. We can use social media to enhance our lives, find community, solace, and support when we may not be getting it in the real world. People can find love. Families can stay in touch and watch loved ones grow up from afar. We can stay connected, as long as we stay aware.”
So, in my quest for balance applied to Instagram, I keep taking mental notes. After a month offline, I’m starting to notice the things in which the app does serve me well, and I hope soon I’ll be able to trace a plan that will allow me to enjoy the good and avoid the bad. For the moment, I’ll keep using it just on my laptop sometimes and using the vast remaining time for something even more addictive: my present.