May or The desire to simplify

On World Domination vs Fullfilment

The Simple Life was the name of an infamous reality show from the 2000s and a concept that just a few years ago would have made me run in the opposite direction. However, as we start a new month (and we do like new beginnings, don’t we?), I find myself striving more and more for simplicity in every aspect of my life.

So, this month…

…I open my wardrobe and feel the need to only have a certain amount of clothes instead of the gazillion items that hang on there. I only want to have clothes that fit me perfectly. So I start planning a clothes swap, donate the rest, and think and re-think absolutely every piece that will go into my wardrobe.

…I cancel my Netflix subscription, sick of being overwhelmed by all the offer (a nightmare for a Libra like me) every night during dinner. My dinner gets cold, and I hate that. Instead, I will choose carefully one series and stick to it until I finish it. Arte.tv has some great documentaries and movies too, and it’s all free!

…I unsubscribe from all the random emails I get in my inbox, instead of just deleting them every time they appear.

…I unfollow hundreds of accounts on Instagram that add absolutely nothing to my life.

…I “force” myself to take my whole hour of lunch break and go with my food upstairs to the cafe area instead of eating mindlessly at my desk. Or if I am feeling crazy, to socialize in our office’s kitchen.

…I create a note on my Notes App with all our essential household expenses: rent, council tax, electricity, gas, internet, and phone to keep track of the minimum amount we both need to earn to not struggle.

…I decide to embrace the pleasure of going to bed before 10 as an act of radical self-love, taking a book with me in case I can’t sleep. I try to wake up at 7 am to have some time for myself instead of rushing to work.

This and many more little changes make me feel like through little actions, I am reclaiming control of parts of my life that used to be on autopilot. To me, a simpler life means dedicating energy and time to the important stuff and it’s becoming more and more of a coping mechanism to survive…adult life!

A simple life should not be confused with a boring life. The key difference between these two is just one word: fulfillment. Coming to this conclusion has been the work of my adult life so far, a journey full of doubts, comparison, and censorship. All directed to one specific individual: me. “I should be doing more. Why am I satisfied? I shouldn't! I need to conquer the world!”

And I believe it all started when I began to feel oddly fulfilled with my job as Office Administrator. There was a part of me that was resisting it so much, a part that thought that this was the end for me. “Does this mean that I’ve given up?” I would ask myself at least once a week. “I am supposed to be A Creative, and this is supposed to be a job to pay the bills until I would make it!” However, turns out I am pretty good at my seemingly boring office job, and being good at my job makes me feel happy. Perhaps it’s just as simple as that. There are many reasons why I feel that I am not giving up: it’s a challenging job (working with Structural Engineers in your second language can sometimes be a bit scary!), I have a lot of flexibility around my work conditions and some of my co-workers have become real friends.

World domination (including the consequent external validation in the form of money and fame) is no longer on my to-do list, and the feeling that comes with that realisation is fucking priceless. The noise disappears and you are at risk of feeling bored. But like, good bored. Does it mean I’m getting older? To be honest it might just be that my priorities have changed and that doesn’t mean I’ve failed. Most importantly, just as someone once told me: just because you are not earning money with it, it doesn’t mean you are not a writer. A comedian. A creative.

Being happy with my life as it is now just makes things so much easier, putting everything into a different perspective. I am no longer writing a book because I need to make it to become the voice of my generation, I am writing a book because I want to hold in my hands physical proof that I was able to finish a writing project. Where that journey will take me, I don’t care, as long as I enjoy every step of it. And I am, at my own pace. Same for stand-up comedy or any other creative endeavour that I might stumble upon.

On one of our first dates, my fiancé asked me: “What’s your dream?” And to my surprise, I realised that I had already fulfilled it: moving to Scotland and having all sorts of adventures here. I’ve ticked a lot of that box off in the past three years and what’s next is completely unexpected…in the best possible way. The pressure is off now that I have set the foundations of what my priorities are. And it all starts with one word: simplifying.

For the restless, anxious girl who still lives inside me, acknowledging that I am already enough feels like a revolutionary act. So if you’ll excuse me, I will let her eat cake. 🍰