My No Buy Diaries: calling it quits after hitting the 6-month mark
A shopping ban can only do so much
In October 2023, Hervé and I decided to do an experiment: He would be one year without gaming, and I would be one year without shopping for clothes and accessories. We both chose something that was like some sort of Kryptonite to us – and to make this interesting, we decided that whoever would succumb to temptation first would have to pay the other £100. I also decided to document month by month here, because #content.
On the 31st of April, my fiancé said he needed to tell me something very important that had been weighing him for the last two days. His face was serious, his face was the face of someone about to break into tears. I shat my pants.
That’s it – I thought – here it comes. This was too good to be true. The sex was too good. I’ll never find happiness again.
And braced myself for all the different scenarios that the AI of my brain was already fabricating at the speed of light.
He’s gay. He’s always been gay.
He’s having an affair.
He’s calling the wedding off.
He’s calling the wedding off because he is gay and having an affair.
I saw myself selling my engagement ring. Would it give me enough for a mini break in Stockholm, where I would 100% meet a tall and dangerously handsome man who would make me forget about my achy breaky heart with the power of his…Swedishness? Perhaps I can also move again to another country… What about Japan? France? I’ll disappear like Serena van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl, leaving behind me just a sexy halo of mystery and theories.
But the reality was much less CW/HBO-worthy. The gorgeous man I’m going to marry in 90 days told me he gamed for 2 hours on Friday, and he had wanted to tell me for the whole weekend. We had family at home that weekend and we didn’t have a moment for ourselves, so there was never a good time for him to break the news. He was devastated! – we’ve had moments in the past where we both wanted to quit the experiment, but we carried on just to support each other. So, this felt like a big failure for him. I hugged him as he cried. 💗
I’ll transfer you £100 just now. – he said.
Which was amazing because I had completely forgotten about that. I WAS NEVER IN THIS BECAUSE OF THE MONEY YOU KNOW?
I didn’t even make it to the 6-month mark, I failed just 2 days before – Hervé said, making me realize that I had hit MYSELF the 6-month mark. Wow!
And it’s been hard. During this half-year, I’ve learned many things about myself, my shopping habits, and my body, and it’s all been very eye-opening.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
I don’t need that many clothes. I only use 60% of the clothes I have in my wardrobe.
Because I mainly buy second-hand and I am very good at finding gems and bargains, tend to buy more and pay less attention to the fit and if it really is for me. I need to be way pickier with any piece of clothing I buy if I really want to curate *rolls eyes* a good wardrobe.
Most of my outerwear is cute, but impractical for the reality of Scottish weather! Same with my footwear. Again: be pickier, Cynthia!
I usually blame my body for not fitting into the clothes, instead of taking more time to find clothes that make me feel good. There is absolutely nothing wrong with the shape of my body. (repeat as mantra)
I’m starting to have some knowledge of what colours suit me better. Not on the level of those “Are you summer or winter?” videos on TikTok but you get the gist.
But the two more important things I’ve realised while doing this experiment are the following:
I do love clothes. I am a visual person. Clothes and hair and my main forms of expression and shopping for clothes makes me happy. I love having a Saturday for myself, grabbing an iced coffee (omg stop iitttttt!!), and browsing some charity shops until I find a gem. I love digging in flea markets with friends in search of treasures. These things bring me joy. Is that stupid? I don’t know. Clothes play a massive role in how I feel every morning when I leave my flat, they become my shiny armour or soft cocoon when stepping into the still-alien realities of adult life. Needless to say, I am trying to balance that with the fact that the world doesn’t exactly need more people spending more money on clothes. So, if I am pickier and with a better understanding of my body, colour palette, and other details, I will make wiser choices, and everybody wins (my personal style, my bank account, the planet.) I’ve embraced minimalism these months and has stayed with me - but I do still love a good ol’ rummage at the flea market! DON’T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME!!
Trying to be perfect is the best way to fuck up your mental health. Look, I’m not gonna lie: committing to turning this experiment into content has been a constant source of anxiety for me. A nightmare!! “Should I be posting my outfits every day? Should I film reels upcycling and sewing clothes? Should I write a guide about decluttering your wardrobe? I should be doing more!! Make the best of this” – that was a constant voice in my head. This is not my job (if it was, be sure I’d love doing it), so forcing myself to turn this fun thing into a profitable side hustle didn’t work for me at this moment in my life. I talked a bit more about this here. I am past my ✨ influencer days ✨, and I no longer want to force myself to post about things that don’t come naturally.
So long story short, my No Buy Year ends here.
When Hervé stopped his experiment at the end of March, I had a long conversation with myself about if I wanted to do it too. There have been many moments during these 6 months where I felt there was no point in what I was doing, because I already did it in 2016 and because I feel all the lessons I am supposed to learn…I already do! But maybe I had to go through it to realise it??
My body has been changing too, and sometimes I would find myself wearing clothes that were making me feel uncomfortable the whole day, which would influence my self-esteem. I’ve been craving for a flattering and comfortable pair of jeans for 6 months now. I know I said to myself that I would make them from scratch but WHO AM I KIDDING? This Barbie works a 9-5, is planning a tri-lingual wedding, and has had a traumatic relationship with sewing patterns since Art School. When I finish work or on the weekends, what I want to do is become the human equivalent of a carpet and lie still on a soft surface while being fed beige food. Leave me alone.
I concluded that I didn’t need to prove any point. That spending 12 months without spending money on clothes wouldn’t make me a better person or provide me with any moral superpower. That depriving myself of innocent pleasures and being hard on myself was making me miserable in a moment of my life that already is a bit stressful. That this booty needs some proper jeans. That all I wanted to learn I’ve already learned it and I am EAGER to be released into the wild to put it into practice. It’s not me failing, it’s you #NoBuyYear, making me see that a shopping ban can only do so much - the rest…I need to put it into action as a consumer.
Do you believe in life after lo…I mean, this challenge?
Well, yes. And it’s been great. It’s been 18 days since I stopped it and I’ve already had time to put into practice some of my findings.
I’ve digitalized all my clothes using the app Whering, which is amazing. It takes some work to do it (taking the photos, and categorizing the items…), but I believe it’s completely worth it. It gives you a full picture of what you own, your colour palette, the cost per wear, and lots of insightful data. You can also plan your outfits for trips and register what you wear every day to clearly see what you use and don’t use in your wardrobe. It also has a random Dress Me feature a la Cluelesss, which I think is so fun to make you try new combinations. The fashion girlies love it and I totally get it!
I’ve created a spreadsheet with my purchases since the 1st of April so I can track where I shop the most, the reason I do it, if I end up donating the item… I am finding it so useful and there is something so nerdy about it that makes me love it even more. 🤓
I am donating that 40% of my wardrobe that doesn’t serve me anymore. I’m being ruthless. Oh man, and it feels good. I currently only have 2 pairs of jeans but they all fit me amazingly. I am being very minimalist and picky with my clothes and it’s working. No one fucking cares if you repeat an outfit.
I decided to stop buying so much on Vinted because after tracking my Vinted purchases for the last two years, I saw that 80% of them ended up being donated. I’ve learned that I need to try on clothes, that’s the way for me and my unreliable Mediterranean curves. What I’ve been using Vinted for is to find things that I’ve already tried on. Like last year with a Zara jumper I tried on in a charity shop but was a bit too expensive for a charity shop (I mean, £25, British Red Cross, REALLY??). I took a photo, made a note of the size, and BOOM! I found it on Vinted for £7. I do this on the website, to avoid impulse purchases through the app.
I’ve fallen in love with fashion again thanks to this challenge, and I am putting now this into practice when it comes to materials, fabrics, shapes, and cuts… I once read something like “Stylist people make the effort in the changing room, not in front of their wardrobes every morning” - meaning that doing the work before the purchase will avoid you more purchases.
So, thanks for coming to my TED Talk about Why maybe we are a bit obsessed with challenges and resolutions and we need to chill the fuck out and just flow. I don’t think I’ve failed because I didn’t complete the 12 months. I did 6 and it was enough for me, and that’s why I consider it a success. I am truly happy about this experience, and I can already feel my style benefiting from it. That’s all I wanted. 👏🏻
I can’t wait to go back to my usual Sad Little Life program of maybe-too-personal essays and Completely Random Stuff That I Find Absolutely Necessary To Share With The World Even If No One Asked.
Have a nice rest of the week!
You know you love me.
XOXO
Gossip Girl
god i love this so much!! your reflections at the end are so poignant, and sounds like you really created a more mindful relationship with your wardrobe in the process. now go celebrate with some jeans that fit <3
I absolutely love that you have a spreadsheet. I use notes to track what I buy/make but I love the idea that you also record what ultimately ends up happening with those clothes. Food for thought.